When the cable company keeps you on hold, you feel useless. When you’re a state senator and feel useless, you feel the need to do something. When you feel the need to do something, you decide you’re a statesman. When you think you’re a statesman in Maryland, you decide to write an environmental bill that taxes chickens. When you tax chickens, you close down the chicken industry on the Eastern Shore. When the chicken industry closes down, 300,000 feral chickens attack nursing homes in your district, feeding on your parents.

It’s really not state Senator Richard Madaleno’s (D-Montgomery) fault that he introduced a bill to tax chickens. A bill so stupid that it was even mocked by the Boy Blunder, Gov. Marty O’Malley, who threatened to veto it if it got to his desk.

How was Madaleno to know? He lives in Montgomery County where it’s “in” to be “green.” Montgomery County once outlawed the hunting of deer, deeming it “inhumane.” They instead tried to trap the deer and move them to surrounding counties. This, naturally, proved to be expensive and inefficient, which would have been OK except the deer got into the Montgomery County matrons’ yards and started eating their organic vegetables. This was going too far and they called in a wing of the U.S. Air Force to napalm all of the deer out of existence.

Madaleno has nowhere to go in the Maryland Senate, so he has higher aspirations. He could possibly be lieutenant governor someday. He’s seen how fellow Montgomery Countian Doug Gansler has parlayed little talent and no social skills into a gubernatorial run based solely on fictional “environmental” issues. He’s even had his face genetically altered to look “Shriveresque.”

Even Modaleno’s statement about the chicken bill was correct. “A healthy Bay is important to Maryland’s economy, and all Marylanders benefit from making the Bay cleaner. So, it’s important that all major polluters of the Bay pay their fair share.” It even has a nice, soft, kitteny kind of name, “The Poultry Fair Share Act.”

He was aided and abetted in this latest monstrosity from Annapolis by the Food and Water Watch, another left-wing outfit dedicated to doing away with poultry on the Shore under the guise of “environmentalism.”

Why wouldn’t Madaleno think his bill would fly? There are 20 other equally as goofy “Save the Bay” bills and taxes on the books. It would be impolite to point out that the billions of taxpayers money spent on the bay have resulted in little or no improvements. So it’s the ideal gummit venue; a feel good idea that soaks the taxpayers without having to show any results.

Even better for Madaleno, his bill would have absolutely no impact on his home county. So, the “fair share” he’s asking for wouldn’t be coming out his neighbor’s sod/woodchip money. The cost would be entirely picked up by those cretins across the bay who have the disturbing habit of voting for Republicans. Montgomery County gets its wealth from its proximity to Washington, and most of its residents are like remora eels, feeding off the morsels dropped by the host. So they have no difficulty in telling other people what they should do since central planning is what’s made D.C. so successful.

Perhaps an Eastern Shore senator could introduce a like-minded bill. Let’s call it the “Save The Bay And The Planet From Carbon Gases And Save All The Living Creatures Fair Share Act.”

This bill would tax any Montgomery County resident who crosses the Bay Bridge and thus pollutes the bay. A healthy bay is important to Maryland’s economy, and all Marylanders benefit from making the bay cleaner. So it’s important that all major polluters of the bay and atmosphere pay their fair share, and this legislation ensures that one of the biggest sources of pollution begins to do just that.

Don’t let your parents be eaten by feral chickens.

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