To the editor: Hey! Congratulations on your totally fun edition of July 3. It was a veritable masterstroke of media merchandising.
First off, there was the little game of trying to locate the newspaper in the big display of periodicals at my regular Royal Farms store. But after 20 minutes or so of plowing through all those lurid magazines, I found my Kent News buried inside a pile of advertising circulars about health care.
Hence, I got to wondering about how many square miles of rain forest were consumed to make the paper needed for all those circulars, but by then I had reached the check-out counter.
“That’ll be three dollars,” said the lady behind the register.
“What?” I asked, awash in incredulity.
“Yeah,” she said, “They told us to charge three dollars for the paper this week.”
“How come?” I asked.
“Didn’t say’ Three eighteen with tax.”
I paid, of course, for this is that lady, you know, the one you do not want to mess with. She’s not one of those nice jolly ones that make a morning bearable. No, you do not dicker with this one over the price of a measly newspaper. Trump would be wise to put her on the team negotiating the China trade deal. Those Chi Com dudes would leave the room wearing only their underpants. And they would be thanking her as they left.
As I dutifully did.
Once in the car, I got to marveling over this transaction. Here was a thin little newspaper wrapped inside 68 yards of advertising. This was the stuff that used to be the inserts. Now the stuffers had become the big headline and the news was relegated to stuffing. And I had not only paid $3.18 for this bamboozle, but I had had to search for it. What absolute genius!
Then I looked at the “front” page of the news. Cover price “$1.50.”
I’ve been hosed, I thought. For a moment I considered going back in and asking if I could return the wrapping and pay only a buck fifty for the insides. Then I thought again.
J. Taylor Buckley